And the penis chronciles continue

So it appears Spencer has a tethered spinal cord. I've been told by multiple people the surgery isn't too bad, but it scares the hell out of me. Figures a routine MRI to check his butt dimple would turn into possible neurosurgery. That's my boy. Anyohw, I'm setting up a neuro consult so hopefully we'll know more soon. It could explain his foot problems.

Anyhow, the penis chronicles continue. Apparently his cicumcision went rogue and has to be redone. He about gave the urologist a heart attack because he couldn't find some glands or something. Then he found them and had a mini melt down because he felt like a failure. At least it's nice to know I wasn't crazy. We also have him booked for surgery next month to bring down the first testicle. We did discuss that Spence has a hidden penis that will require more surgery. Our urologist and I are like BFFs.

They Found It!!!

So they have finally identified the gene that causes Ohdo Syndrome. I plan on having Spencer tested as soon as they are available. I'm scared but excited that we will finally know for sure if he has it or not. Apparently the change is on Chromosome 10, KAT6B. It's amazing how something so small can cause so much damage. I can't believe they finally found it. For some parents, they have been waiting to diagnose their kids officially for over 20 years.
Good news is, that if it is Ohdo, that it isn't something that Jimmy and I caused, which means in theory no future spawn will have it. Not that I wouldn't love another Ohdo kid just as much, but I'd rather not have a second child with it. I can't put another baby through what Spencer has had to go through.

Brush the baby

Today was Spencer's first day of brushing therapy. We're hoping it helps him a bit with his sensory intergration disorder. He pretty much cried through it all today, but his OT remains pretty optimistic that it will help him. We have to brush his back, arms, and legs, and do compressions on the joints every two hours. So now we are trying to do feeds every three hours, brushing every two, incorporating different tactiles, and trying to get him to eat orally. Since Jimmy and I are on opposite schedules, we are both trying to tackle it alone. It's going to be a rough few weeks, but hopefully it will help. We are going to work on hands and such later on.

Double Fun

We finally got the results of Spencer's last sleep study. His apnea has gotten worst, doubled in worse-ness actually, but he is still in the mild range. His oxygen saturation levels are better, and that is what kept him off 02 again at night...for now. The doc wants to do another echo to make sure his heart isn't having any hypertension problems. If he does, then it's either back on oxygen at night or CPAP. We've been warned that CPAP will mess up with his already messed up jaw, so O2 is the only logical option. Big question...how do you keep a kid with aversions to having anything on his face on oxygen at night? I was pretty devastated by the news; I though we were done with him being on supplemental oxygen for forever. I had planned on coming home and celebrating.
His feeding is coming along pretty well. He flips out over anything on a spoon, but will eat pretty much anything sugar-filled that we put in his mouth. He loves Swedish Fish and cereal puffs. Tonight he ate a whole serving of tomato puffs, which taste like ketchup. What kid can resist ketchup?
It's becoming quite apparent that Spencer's sensory issues are pretty severe. He has some type of sensory intergration disorder. I'm overtly paranoid about all this turning into autism. Anyhow, we're going to start brushing therapy with compressions next week to hopefully help him with some of his tactile issues.
I also bought little man his first pair of tights. We are turning them into shorts to wear under his cloths to help provide support at his waist. If it works, we'll probably end up ordering him a spio-type suit. Have I mentioned how much I love his new occupational therapist? I actually like all his new therapists...but she goes above and beyond. When we went to the center's Halloween party, she climbed in a jump house with him and he had a blast. She gives him hugs and kisses and says he's her new favorite and she is going to take him home with her. Her little sister has CP, so I think she really gets it on another level.

Quick Post-Op update

Spencer's surgery went well. He looks and is acting awesome for a kid who had part of his face cut off. We are calling it his old man surgery. He was compared to Benjamin Button since he has hearing aids, had an eye lid lift, and is getting a walker soon.

We figured he would be confused and screaming his head off after surgery. He was very mellow and seemed happy to see us. Before surgery, it was the first time I was there when they put him to sleep. It seems like every other time that they put him under he got the one OR room that they don't have an anthesia area separate from the OR. He's considered an anthesia risk, so they didn't feel comfortable putting him under in the hall so we could be with him. Anyhow, it broke my heart. He just stared at me and looked so confused. Of course, I lost it. I tried to keep it all in, but it about killed me. I couldn't tell him I loved him without losing it, so I waited until he was asleep. Thinking about it now, I should have signed it to him.

It took forever to get us back to recovery. He was still snoozin when we got back there. After he woke up, he didn't really cry or anything. He was up and looking around in no time. His face was pretty swollen, but I believe he was able to see better already.

Good news, little man doesn't need glasses! His vision is in the normal range for his age. It doesn't mean he won't need them in the future, but we are safe...for now.

Pavlo for Babies

So Spencer decided to randomly start eating last Monday. While I appreciate his new found ability and his excitement in shoving yummy things in his mouth (although he can't self feed yet so I'm doing all the cramming), I have no idea where in the fuck it came from. He essentially sat through a year and a half of feeding therapy and ate no more than a fourth a jar of bananas, to being an accomplished eater (as long as what he's eating is in "puff" form or tastes like sugar). While I'm convinced his decision to start eating was based on watching his cousin shove random things into his mouth and not spit them back out, I do find the humor that he started to eat the one time we were taking a break from feeding therapy. I guess it was his one last "fuck you" to his old OT. I guess one could argue that she set the foundation and blah blah blah, but any way it goes, I'm ecstatic. Yesterday he ate 38 cereal puffs in one sitting...the serving size is 68, a feat which I don't even think his cousin who is two months older and twenty pounds heavier could accomplish. He is doing awesome. I also believe I have him trained. He opens his mouth whenever I put anything towards it. Except carrots.
Spencer is also sitting up on his own and crawling a bit. He only sits up on his own when mommy, daddy, or grandma aren't around to rescue him. His new favorite thing is sitting up in his crib (when he isn't busy knocking the hell out of the side of his crib with his braces). He can also crawl to whatever toy he wants. He does this adorable thing where when the toy is within his reach, he lies flat on his belly so he can reach the toy without crawling anymore. My kid is a lazy genius.
Surgery number 8 is next Friday. His ptosis repair. I'm still really hesitant about this surgery as it is the first one that will change how he looks. It will be better for him in the long run, but it doesn't make it any less sad. He will probably also be getting glasses...which will be adorable. I'll update again after surgery next week!

Update

Spencer is eating! At least he is today. After months of nearly having to force him to eat, he is eating like a champ! Earlier today he just let me keep popping banana puffs in his mouth. He then let me do it again just a few minutes ago. And he kept taking them....he's probably eaten 25 puffs today when he normally will eat two or three. Maybe it's him seeing his cousins eat which has inspired him...maybe it's just a fluke. Either way, I'm estatic!

We moved out the of the Cincinnati area a month ago. We are staying with Jimmy's parents while we slowly work on the house we are moving into. Spencer has gotten a lot better with other kids, but it's still hit or miss sometimes. He doesn't like to share nor have anyone get inside his "bubble."

His ptosis surgery was rescheduled for next month. He had some crazy eye thing going on, so I decided to reschedule.

We are finally getting settled in with a new peds, surgery doc, and therapists. He is sort of crawling now, so hopefully with PT and a gait trainer he will be a little more mobile soon. I'm still undecided about his peds, so I'm just giving it time for him to impress me. I love the surgery doc. She has suggested that I once their new center opens, I counsel new tubie moms. She thought Jimmy and I were the best gtube parents ever and voiced it many times.

It's over

Spencer's cleft palate repair was today. There was a minor complication, but the plastic surgeon was able to get the palate closed beautifully. The hypospadius repair didn't happen and now Spencer's penis is the center of discussion again. They are worried size again, but "he's a little guy." I was also told by his urologist that "We we're going to be seeing a lot of each other." Ughhh. At least the kid got fucking circumcised....finally! It really feels like once we see an end to all the surgery, more and more get added onto it. Just to get his testes descended it's going to take two separate surgeries. Plus we have his ptosis repair (one now, one at age 7), possibly heart surgery, more ear tubes, eye tube removal, and possible tear duct reconstrucion.

Things that have gone right today:
Spencer had a seemingly successful palate repair and circumcision.
We scored two Cincinnati Childrens hospital mugs
I haven't made anyone cry yet.

Things that have gone wrong:
I was reassured Spencer's blenderized diet could be accommidated. I literally just ordered up from room service 14 servings of blenderized food. They weren't even sure if they had rice milk.
Nurse in the PACU called up to the floor and I overheard her tell many errors which I had to correct. One of which was telling the floor that "We feed him purreed foods at home but we wanted to feed him Elecare during his stay."
They put an IV in his fucking foot. This was after we made them move all the hospital bracelets to his arm because his club foot bar goes on....you wouldn't guess it...his feet. I'm not dealing with sticking the kid again so hopefully his foot doesn't relapse over night.
His meds weren't put in the computer after we were asked about them four or five times.
Surgery ran an hour late.

At least it's over with and he's alive. I guess in the end it's all that matters. He has cool little arm sleeves that make it so where his elbows won't bend. We're going to have one pissed baby. I'm sure he'll figure out how to get out of them by morning.

Hide and Seek winner!

Spencer's rogue testicles have been found. They are pretty far off from where they should be, so I'm thinking we'll be adding another surgery to next Friday's two.
There was something that kind of concerned me. Something crazy was going on with Spencer's small intestine. The doctor came in and said it looked fine, asked if he has been sick (he has), and said it's nothing to be concerned about. I asked if we needed to address it with his other docs and she said no.
I really don't like the idea of not knowing what all is going on next Friday during surgery. Pulmonology is on the board for his surgery but I don't know why. The only thing I can think of is that it's either a scope or precautionary because of how the cleft repair may change his breathing patterns. We see him on Tuesday, so I'll ask then, but it still annoys me. I'm the first person who should know what's going on. I'm sure I'll get a call from endocrine or urology tomorrow or Monday to discuss bringing the boys down.

The TMI post, or what I'd like to call, the penis post

We spent two hours at endocrine today...his thyroid levels were the best they have ever been. His free T4 levels were actually normal for a change, which he has always baffled the endocrinologist because of it's weird levels. We spent 2 hours at endo because of little man's penis...so the story begins.

I've been pretty hesitant about discussing his manly parts. But alas, it all started before he was born and at our first prenatal appointment. The nurse asked us if the baby was a boy if we would want him circumcised. I told Jimmy it was his decision and he was fairly adamant (read blantly adamant) about having it done.
Fast forward about 8 months. Spencer is born, and on the day he would have been cut was when he went to Childrens. Then the doctors couldn't decide if Spencer was big enough to do the circ. The term micro-penis was thrown around, which scared the hell out of me. Google is brutal. Anyhow, then the urologist did a consult at my insistance and said he was fine and just had what we like to refer to "his pad-o-fat", which hides part of the penis. After a month of relentless debate, it was decided it would be done by the surgeon when he went in for his gtube insertion.
The surgeon comes to talk to us after the surgery and told us that his urethra appeared slightly off center, and they don't do the circumcision just in case the urologist needs the foreskin in reconstruction. Urologist tells us he has a level one hypospadius and he will need what he actually referred to as a fancy circumcision.
Keep in mind, his circumcision was brought up more times than I can count. In the mean time, I kept my stance of, "I don't care."
Then Spencer' testicles decided not to drop. After it had been establish that Spencer is 1. genetically a boy and 2. that he creates testosterone, that they have to be in there somewhere. They searched "pad-o-fat" to no avail. The urologist said we might have to do exploratory surgery at some point and then bring them down. What we discussed at endocrine today was whether we needed to give Spencer a shot of testosterone, which fancy endocrine doctor (the resident) says, "will confirm again he has testicles and might make his penis grow even larger, but it's already an impressive size," or do an ultrasound. They tried to call urology to see what doc wanted to do, but he was in surgery...so we might have to go back to endocrine for shots tomorrow or the next day. In the meantime, we had to go do an ultra sound of his pelvis tomorrow. That should be a fun conversation with the tech.

A rant (accordingly)

Lately my tolerance for other people has been much lower than what it normally is. Maybe it's because I'm working in the rich people version of Walmart...or maybe it's because I've joined a few more online support groups and have realized how unbelievably clueless people are about their children's medical issues.
Even before Spencer was born, the second I found out about his foot I became engrossed in research. I could spout off facts about random and obscure genetic disorders by the hundreds. This knowledge has expanded as Spencer's list of anamolies has grown. It's gotten so bad that I often try to diagnose children in the waiting room at our appointments. Since we have a working diagnosis of sorts of Say Barber Biesecker Simpson-Young Ohdo syndrome, I have probably read everything on the internet about it and have made contact with three families who live in Europe.
I do this because I love my son. I want to be so informed about anything that could potentially help him in the future, that I'm constantly looking for things that can help him in anyway. I do it because it's my responsibility as a parent. I'm not depending on doctors to point me in the right direction. I will a medical opinion, but in the end if I feel something is right I'm going for it.
I've also learned, ask and yea shall receive....So far we've gotten a suction machine (that has saved us at least one ambulance ride) and countless other medical supplies that makes my job easier. I also asked our high risk clinic doc for an allergy consult. I was off my game that day and took her advice when she said to wait. I changed my mind and asked our peds to write us one, and he was shocked Spencer hadn't been tested (TRUST YOUR GUT AND DON'T BACK DOWN). I'm pretty sure our high risk doctor hates me because I come in every appointment with a giant list of things to ask about...but I don't care. My son is one of her hundreds of cases, so it's my job, not her job, to keep tabs on him. For example, I wouldn't know my son has a whole in his heart if I wouldn't have asked.
Which brings me to my next point...Quit whining about the small stuff. Yeah, sometimes life with a medically fragile child just sucks. Life would be grand if Spencer woke up in the morning spouting off his ABCs, running around the apartment, and eating everything in sight. But you know what, it's not going to happen. It might not ever happen and I'm ok with that. My life is amazing because of him. He is not a burden nor never will be one. While there is so much Spencer isn't doing, there is so much he is doing! Quit fretting the small shit and live in the moment. We live for today, but hope for tomorrow, and that's all you can do.
We mourn. Of course we mourn the child that we thought we would have. But we got something so much better! If you do it right, a child with special needs will take you from that simple, shallow, weak person you were, and make you empowered, complex, and strong. I thought I was tough shit before I had Spencer, and now I realize I was weak. I have survived a parent's worst nightmare and we have thrived. It hasn't been all hearts and flowers, but in the end we have made it and are moving forward stronger than ever.
Point number two...do your research. How can you be empowered when you don't know what the hell is going on with your kid? Google is awesome, use it. Ask questions...call doctors in the middle of the night. It's your kid and you know them better than anyone. It is your responsibility as their advocate, their voice, to fight for them. If one person says it can't be done, always ask someone else. And for Christsake...find a good pediatrician. I know if high risk clinic won't write a consult, Dr. Boling will do it for me. All I have to do is ask. If your peds doesn't say how great your kid is doing, and instead points out only the negatives, it's time to find a new peds.
I'm starting to run out of angst. I feel much better now.

The Tubie Version of a Play Date

Spencer had a great day today:) Well, afternoon. We started off the morning by waking up far too early and going to see his hand doctor. Everything looks good except his thumbs are still ridiculously long (duh) and he is lacking some bones in his wrist. Those will come with time, according to the good doctor. His range of motion is a lot better. Recommendation is to keep doing what we are doing (nothing) and see him again in a year.
We then had a weird hybrid play date in between a fellow tubie's appointments. We have become fast friends with a couple from Lexington and their little one. Their little one played on the playground, while Spencer demanded to be cuddled by mom. After that we went to pick up his new ear molds (which came in amazingly fast).
After he got a nap in, Spencer was in a great mood. He was really talkative today and just really happy. Lately he's been super grumpy because he has a crap ton of teeth coming in all at once.
I've linked up with some parents to try to get WIC and Medicade changed so where it becomes more tubie and blended diet friendly. Essentially there are a ton of kids like Spencer who don't really fit in with the WIC system. Medicade also doesn't support blended diets. While they will shell out thousands of dollars a year for formula, they won't pay for a blender so parents can feed their tubies normal foods.

Quinpod

I was looking over old blog posts and realized there were a couple of things I haven't filled in...
Spencer will probably still need glasses. We'll probably get a script for them when they do an eye exam during his ptosis repair. A few months after that we'll probably have to get another pair because his eyes will change after he heals. Did I mention we have three eye doctors?

Spencer is now getting up on all fours. He surprised himself during PT the other day by transitioning from sitting to all fours. He is starting to transition to all fours all the time now, occasionally using his head as another support.

At his 15 month check up and shots, Spencer was in the 5-10th percentile for weight, 30th for height, 90th for head. We also got a referral for a new peds. I called the office and figured out what I needed to have sent, etc. I'm thinking of requesting a copy of his medical records for myself as well to look over. He has so many medical things different about him, I'm sure I've forgotten to make note of some of them. I realize he is going to have a hell of a time explaining his medical history to doctors when he grows up.

Jimmy and I are back together. So far so good. It's not perfect yet, but we are working on it. We are both excited to move on with our lives and to start fresh in Ashland.

Quick Update

So we went to our cardio appointment. We were told let's wait and see. They are optimistic that it might close on it's own, or at least enough to not give him problems. If it hasn't closed by the time he is 5 or 6, they will go in and do it. We don't go back to cardio for a year!

I called his fancy eye doctor because Spencer has had gunky eye for a few days now. Hopefully it clears up before the appointment, but we can't be too careful since he still has tubes in his tear ducts. I hope it's just a cold, otherwise he might have to have another crazy eye surgery.

You Said the Rain's the Rain

So we now have a working diagnosis for Spencer...Ohdo Syndrome. It fits. He has the eye stuff, and the facial stuff, the delays, etc. It suits him. The thing I'm devastated about is that it also comes with severe disabilities. It's a very rare genetic disorder and less than 1 in 100,000 people have it. There are no tests right now to confirm. He is on lists for studies.
We always knew that this could be a possibility, but we always hoped that nothing would be "wrong" with Spencer and that he would grow up to be an engineer, doctor, and astronaut. I always vowed he would be a productive member of society...we live in a world where a person with a genius IQ can do nothing, while a person who is severely mentally retarded can change the world. No matter his ability, I just hope I raise him right.
Today is just hard because I've suspected for a while now that Spencer is going to have some long term learning difficulties. This potential diagnosis almost confirms that fear. I will never stop hoping and believing in Spencer, but today I look at this beautiful thing we created and can't help but mourn for all the things that you expect when you have a child. I wouldn't trade Spencer for the entire world, but I hate what he has to go through and the challenges he may have to face.
Tomorrow I will say he will be the smartest kid with Ohdo Syndrome there ever was, but today I mourn.

Hope

So Spencer's ISP was today. I'm kind of bummed out about the results of his Carolina evaluation. I really think they should have asked me all the questions rather than his daycare workers. There is probably a lot he is doing that they don't see. He is behind on most of his areas of development...even in the 3-6 months range on certain things. It's no surprise to me that Spencer is classified as delayed...I still live in the fantasy that despite all Spencer's physical challenges, that he doesn't have any mental disabilities. As he is getting older, and further and further behind, it's beginning to feel like I'm making excuses for his lack of doing certain things. He does have a lot of challenges which influences his development, but how long do we give him to catch up before he is labeled?
I think that it would be devastating for his dad and I to be so bright, but for Spencer to have a mental disability. But then I remember, it doesn't matter. We will still love him and care for him no matter what an IQ test says. But you still hope for your child...
Maybe he will prove everyone wrong. Maybe he will cure cancer, Mito, and AIDS and win a World Peace Prize. Maybe he won't. But his life will hold purpose. I always told myself that no matter his issues, he will be a productive member of society.

And there is the floor....

So Spencer's echo results weren't great. He has a PFO and likely ASD, which will most likely require surgery. While it's not open heart surgery, it's still heart surgery, and it scares the hell out of me (which little does now a days). We have a cardio consult in the works, so we'll see. Funny thing is, w were told while he was in the NICU and had two echos that his ASD had resolved itself. On a brighter note, all his chambers are the right size (once upon a time this was a concern).
Other than that, high risk clinic was pretty uneventful. They gave us some Vital Jr to try as a backup food for when he is inpatient. I still might do his blend while he is in for his cleft palate repair...not too sure yet. Vital Jr still has soy and milk in it, but they assure me it will be ok (I seriously doubt it). It's nice to have a backup in case there is a power outage or anything. Now I just have to keep his dad away from it (his new favorite drink is pediasure).
I asked about having an allergy test done and they said it's better to do it when he's older. Since I can tell what he can't digest, I have a feeling for what he can eat and what he can't and it's better than labeling him with certain allergies. I think I'm just going to get my peds to do a referral anyhow, just for my own peace of mind. We can always repeat when he is older.
Syringes are also like gold at CCHMC. Julie, one of the high risk nurses, is working on getting us even more. She snagged me one earlier, apologetic she couldn't get more. Have I mentioned lately how much I love the nurses at high risk clinic?
It was our last visit with Dr. Jambula. It was also our last visit with Spencer's audiologist's intern, who was super nice. That time of year I guess....

Date for Surgery

We have a date for Spencer's cleft palate and hypospadius repair....August 12th! It's a Friday. I'm already worried about it! Not exactly sure how we are going to do his blenderized diet while he is in patient....

Go, Baby, Go!

Wow! I haven't updated in a while. Spencer is doing great! We have graduated to wearing his braces to 12 hours a day...which for him just means at nights since he is an awesome sleeper. He is starting to attempt to stand on his own and nearly has the getting into a sitting position thing down. I worry about his unaffected leg when he stands. It seems to almost bow a little bit. I will bring it up with his ortho when we go back the next time.
Big changes are in store for us. We are planning to move close to Huntington, WV. His dad and I have decided to live together again, although we are not together. Confusing, I know. We're working on being friends and good parents and then seeing if anything romantic develops. So far, so good. We will be close to family, yet still close enough to Cincinnati Childrens for certain services.
Spencer is getting his cleft palate and hypospdias repaired soon. We are waiting for a phone call from scheduling. These will be surgeries 6 and 7. We have also decided to repair his ptosis, which seems to be getting worse as he gets older. It will be done in two parts, the first will take place sometime this year and the second when he is 7.
We are in the process of switching Spencer to a blenderized diet. He has been having a lot of volume issues so this way we can give him more calories in a smaller volume. I'm pretty excited about it. No more Pediasure and his reflux has been soooo much better.

Feeding Tube Awareness Week`

It's Feeding Tube Awareness Week! Day one is a video campain:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zq6UTJt558Q

So today we picked out Spencer's hearing aids. His hearing is way worst than I thought. It's fun yet depressing to figure out what he can hear and what he can't. It depresses me that I spent all that time talking his head off in the car, and he probably didn't hear any of it. His right ear is worst than his left, but his left is moderate hearing loss and the right is severe.

But anyhow....We picked out blue hearing aids with blue backs. He is getting digital ones since he is so little. We should have them in around three weeks.

Hearing Aids

Well, the hearing test results were bad. We're getting hearing aids. Most like mild to moderate hearing loss. One test had mild as and result and the other severe. I mourned for a few minutes, and then realized that it's just one more thing- not the end of the world. Is it irony or coincidence that a musician's son has a hearing impairment?

I have to schedule an appointment with audiology for a hearing aid fitting. They say kids this small do really well. As for now, he seems to be pretty amazed at his toys. Dr. Schott said that the fluid in his ears was like putty.

Ignorance is Bliss.

Spencer had a tear duct surgery on the 13th, and he is having tubes put in his ears tomorrow. The last surgery was supposed to take twenty minutes, but took over an hour. It was called a lacrimal duct probing- meaning he had tubes placed in his tear ducts. Apparently they were a mess, which is what took so long, but he is now anatomically correct. Now hopefully it worked permanently. The ear tubes are being placed because he has narrow ear canals and has pretty much been on antibiotics for the majority of the past three months.

Good news for a change- he doesn't need glasses...yet! He is borderline!

He is making great gains in his physical development. He is starting to figure out sitting up a lot more. We're pretty optimistic he will be sitting independently by his first birthday- two months! He is rolling over- sometimes he needs a little help.

Yesterday I had him sitting in from of a toy that he hadn't played with in a couple of weeks. He attacked the toy and started turning all the nobs and stuff- something he hasn't done before. Every day this little boy does something that amazes me.

I'm super worried about his oxygen levels. He has been dropping significantly at night. ENT told us to put him back on O2 at night and told us to get him into the pulmonoligst asap. He has an appointment coming up soon- but I'm almost afraid to call to get the appointment sooner. I shouldn't be procrastinating, but isn't ignorance bliss? I'm convinced something is going on with his lungs or heart. I can't handle major surgery. Little operations here and there get me upset, but I deal. I can't deal with anything with "open" in the title.

A Year in Review

So 2010 was the hardest year of my life. First we were told that we would have a baby that would surely die. Then we were told we wouldn't. Then Spencer came into the world and still had to struggle. My marriage ended. My husband was destroyed by all the stress of having a baby in the hospital for three months.
But I'm lucky to have Spencer. Hopefully my husband will come back to us from what he calls the grave.
I gained confidence that I never knew I had in me, while my husband retreated in himself. It's amazing how two people so in love can react completely differently about the same thing. I swam while he sank, and by the time I realized it it was too late.
But at least we can agree we have the most beautiful, perfect child that has ever existed.